I’ve been loathe to make this update. I’m not certain why, but it is largely a restlessness that I am not accelerating fast enough.
Anyway, let’s look at this past weekend. Sarge-wise that is.
Usual with Gab showing up, however this time my roommate’s girlfriend (who is also my new roommate) came out with us. I’m not going to lie, this got me a little nervous. All of my roommates and most of my friends know how much I’m into pick-up so I was afraid of being a complete chode and having her think “what the fuck are these guys doing?” This was a minor factor affecting my state, but I was largely stifled just by this feeling of anger at myself for not being productive that week. I like to think of the weekend as a reward to a hearty and fulfilling work week, but I just felt like I didn’t earn it.
So, to be perfectly honest, I was out of state the entire night and wasn’t having “fun”. This doesn’t mean I had a bad night in regards to game, but I just felt this inextricable need to get the real parts of my life together.
My game has evolved greatly. I don’t know what happened, but if I look at it objectively and purely, it has become quite awesome. I don’t bother with the verbal approach so much anymore, because in the loud bar/club environment, everything is drowned out, and talking is not enough to cut through that overwhelming daze of stimuli.
I just go straight for the girl. If she’s in a set (mixed or same sex), nothing matters. Go straight for the girl with 100% belief and you will come one step closer to the promised land.
I like to gently touch them by the forearm (not the wrist because it’s too rapey, not the upper arm because it’s too friendzoney) and say something. It makes absolutely no difference what you say to them. Just look them in the eye and have that seductive vibe about you. This may be difficult for me to explain, but you are not staring at their eyes and refusing to blink like a serial killer. You look at them like a kiss and physical escalation is inevitable, but only because you’re used to having that happen to you. You don’t expect things like that, you aren’t thinking “oh shit, she bit. now to make out. ok, she kissed me. now what?”, you vibe as if that stuff is natural (easier said than done, I know and 10k hours of videos on the internet can attest to that).
I had a rare but really good set that I know Gab is proud of. I was too, because it finally eliminated the outcome-mindset that I was falling into because of a new person coming out with us that night. I walked up to this real cute girl who was in a set with her friends, and I just said “let me steal you, 2 minutes 2 minutes 2 minutes”. She said yes, and I had her by the hand and moved to another area of the dance floor. I held her close, pelvis-to-pelvis, and we just vibed. You will be inclined to “interview” her by asking her shit like “what do you?” etc., that shit is TOXIC. Stay away from that shit at all times because it just obliterates the congruence of your super confident personality (the guy who picked a girl up from her friends out of the blue and is now dancing with her) and shows you as just an ordinary dude. With that said, you don’t have to break rapport and be crazy every single minute of the interaction. There’s a point where you are vibing, where the conversation shifts from 90-10 to roughly 50-50 and rapport is established. But be wary of rapport, because you do not want to flatline. You must break rapport to have those emotional spikes that reminds her that you’re no ordinary guy. You are dynamite.
I like to escalate physically really fast, so I went for a make-out pretty quickly into the set. She turned her head, but we were still dancing and vibing and I didn’t address it. After a bit more vibing and more laughing from her (changing her emotional state) I tried again and we made out. Girls get off on make-outs way more than guys, and they can be completely sustained by make-outs so I always ration it. I’ve proven this from reference experience – whenever you see a guy and girl make out for an extensive period of time at a bar, and they aren’t dating, the girl will eventually get bored and leave. Making out becomes enough for the girl, and the guy became a chode because that’s all he’s doing - he isn’t progressing, he isn’t leading, he isn’t pushing forward.
So with this girl, we continue to vibe and dance and make out a few times but I always push her away after a few seconds of making out. It’s still early in the night, and if you know anything about me or my blog, this isn’t it for me, so we talk about finding our friends. I mentioned that “she can go back to her friends” to which she responded “No, i’m having a good time” – emotional investment. This is key. If she’s emotionally invested then you have already became a lasting impression on her transitory and memory foam like mind (not a shot at ladies, but girls at the club are the epitome of flakes who rush to the shiny things). I actually forgot my phone this night, so I told her to call me and leave a text so we can get together later. I see her adding me in her phone with my name – das some investment.
I never like to get numbers from cold-approach sarging because it’s just pointless. Girls give their numbers out to anybody, so if you’re one of the many who got her number she isn’t going to remember who the fuck you are and it’s just a lame thing to do – unless you have established emotional investment. I only got this girl’s number because she has a better idea of who I am, and when I call her later she isn’t going to be like “who?”.
Let me emphasize some of the key things from this night.
- Physical, zen-like opening – you can use words, but you must use physicality (gentle at first), and your subcommunication must be excellent. I will try to elaborate on this in the upcoming weeks as I gain a better understanding of its mechanics, but at this point it’s largely reference experience and automatic.
- Always lead, always progress, always push forward. Don’t let the interaction flatline. I don’t care if you’re having a rare conversation with a girl who finally understands stochastic fluctuations in biochemical pathways, or understands your love for Final Fantasy, or even if you’re fucking her in the bathroom or photobooth – keep progressing. You should not worry about having to progress, and you should have a “i am here in the now – completely present” zen about you at all times, but never lose sight of the grand strategy. Man is something to be overcome.
- Forget IOI’s (indicators of interest), gain emotional investment. This is far deeper and psychological than little physical twitches and cues like IOI’s that are easily drowned away by the club atmosphere or even completely in control by the hotter girls who are used to the attention. Emotional investment is when you become an individual in her mind and you can say stuff like “you can go if you want” and she, of her own volition, decides to stay with you. She likes you, out of all of the people out there, in this moment and time, it’s you and her vs. the world. You two are in a bubble. This was easily the most fulfilling feeling I’ve had this night. It’s like reaching the emotional level rather than just the mechanics and overcoming of self.
Same venue. Aesthetics crew is bulging. Giamatti came out. Laura (new roommate from last night – fuck it I’ll just use her name, it’s common enough) came out. Fucking ROSID came out.
ROSID was actually the guy who introduced me to RealSocialDynamics about 2 years ago. He also introduced me to David Wygant who was the first “real” pua guy that I was exposed to. Everything prior to that was Neil Strauss and Mystery. I actually went to my first Free Tour and Hot Seat with ROSID.
Anyway, ROSID is a tough nut to crack. He has everything that we look for in our crew. He’s extremely sharp and witty, tall, and great friends with us all. However, his psyche is impenetrable and he hasn’t gone out in a very fucking long time.
But he came out this night, and fuck was this kid in state. Far more in state than me, and pretty much just as much in state as Gab. Gab stuck with him throughout the night and they opened some good sets which you can read about in Gab’s blog.
I did a couple of high powered opens (like the ones from the previous night). I have a hard-on for really challenging sets, and Gab is excellent at picking them out. I tend to go for tall, skinny and beautiful blondes (which this venue is somehow fucking filled to the brim with – it’s heaven), and I was talking to one outside while I had Giamatti open another tall, beautiful blonde.
Out of NOWHERE, this tall dude just shoves me. I held him back, and at this point he realized how weak he was in comparison to me. I realize this is a super fucking weird thing to say, but as a 5’8″ kid who went through high school at 138lbs, this type of shit would scare the shit out of me. I’m a solid 190 now, and my shoulders were enough to completely hold this guy in place.
At this point, this ugly girl comes out and shoves me too. That’s when it gets complicated. In fact, the entire fucking matter is complicated. At a bar, if you get in trouble, regardless of who was at the cause, you will get kicked out. That’s just how it works. The job of security is to eliminate threats and kick out troublemakers, and the line is blurry so they just contain the entire “trouble-making” environment. If you remember fighting in elementary school, you’ll know that “but he started it” will get you no where.
To me, having been in the identical situation this past Halloween (when a guy shoved me for talking to a girl, and I told him “not to touch me”, and then a girl shoves me from behind, and then I get thrown out while they stay. Well, this fucks with you psychologically. It fucked with me. I fell into all these negative thoughts about race, and believed that the only reason I got kicked out when I didn’t do a single physical thing and these people did was because they were white. Race shit is stupid, and I’m too smart to blame it on race, but if you flower that thought you begin to realize that it’s about entitlement. The guy who shoved me on Halloween believed that he was doing the right thing. He had no fear that he was going to get kicked out, he was doing the right thing in my mind eliminating this person with no entitlement, and thus, no real power. While my thoughts were riddled with “holy fuck, if I knock this guy out I’m going to go to jail. my dad will have a heart attack from the shock. my family has already gone through enough stress regarding legal troubles. this may interfere with me wanting to be a doctor. he will most likely press charges. he probably has a rich dad who is a lawyer who will use their combined resources to annihilate me”
Fucking scary man.
That night, on Halloween, the bouncer was on my side but I still got kicked out.
This night, two bouncers stepped in, and they saw everything, so they paid me no mind. The ugly girl actually slapped one of the bouncers, and they were just thrown out immediately. The bouncer came up to me afterward and shook my hand and told me I did the “right thing”.
It felt good. It felt good to see justice served. It felt good to not be in fear of doing wrong, which is the worst mindset you can have when you are doing something as out of the ordinary as game. You are doing something that no one else does, and that sets off many creep alarms. You can’t give into that frame.
Nietzsche speaks of the slave morality. The one that is fueled by resentment and anger at the oppressor but turned inward towards the self because the slave has no power to wield against his master.
This is the type of morality that I saw myself falling into after the Halloween incident. It made me more afraid of going out solo, and it gave me unhealthy resentments.
Gab calls this dark side of me, Darthnan.
I told him after Saturday’s incident, that part of Darthnan has died permanently.