ProjectInvictus.com

March 18, 2014

Viserys board

Filed under: 2014 — by Invictus @ 05:03

visvis

 

also, just came across this from last year. I never did meet this girl. 99% she’s an elaborate troll.

fan

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March 7, 2014

Journal

Filed under: 2014 — by Invictus @ 03:33

9.21.13 p19.21.13 p29.21.13 p39.21.13 p49.21.13 p59.21.13 p6

February 20, 2014

Invictus 2014 Regimen

Filed under: 2014 — by Invictus @ 02:28
Tags: , , ,

This is my 2014 Regimen. It is only for the first half of 2014. The second half will involve a priority on lifting (bulking) and dating, with far less studying.

As of now, my priority is studying. I only go out on dates once maybe twice or three times a week. I have a steady gf too, so that’s ideal for this period of my year.

I can consistently study in 3hr. bursts now. However, I’m only able to do two of them a day. The goal is 4 a day. This is more than just reading. Studying will include anki decks, doing problems, practice tests, lectures, etc.

I’ve created a new calendar spreadsheet that let’s me track the following:

#hrs. study, #hrs extra reading, #hrs working, #hrs on date, #hrs sleeping, #hrs exercising, #hrs meditating, #cigs.

I have an additional journal where I write stream-of-consciousness about my day as well. But the calendar serves to record so I can see the sum totals of all of these things and be able to measure my progress better. I will also have a lot of data I can use to see patterns (ie. how mood can affect motivation, importance of sleep, and whether balancing them all can have a synergistic effect or a draining one).

Here is my 2014 Regimen:

-BATMAN BOOK-PT.1 FINAL.indd

February 1, 2014

lived in

Filed under: 2014 — by Invictus @ 21:19

sill

I just found this batch of jewelry that some girl left on my windowsill.

My room is full of things girls have left behind. Earrings. Hair bands. Bra’s. Belts. Sweaters. Underwear. Their hearts.

I often find strands of brunette, blonde, auburn, and red hairs on me after rolling around in my bed and the pile of clothing around me.

My room tells many stories.

I need to clean.

January 2, 2014

Storm

Filed under: 2014 — by Invictus @ 19:55
Tags:

There’s a winter storm hitting the northeastern United States. It’s trying to get in the way of my 2014 momentum. Fortunately, the library and gym are open so I made it to both today. Here are a few thoughts I had today:

Every Day Counts. In order for me to progress at a rate I desire, I must make every day count. I have a bad habit of calling it a night at 8pm and fucking around until I go to bed. I usually go to bed extremely late, although I have been making it to sleep at midnight-2am recently, and quite frankly I don’t even have interest in wasting time anymore. Every day counts, and this means it is okay for me to load up on stimulants like caffeine if I am hitting a lot of resistance. Getting the work done by any means necessary is more important than whatever perceived moral purity I retain by doing it “natty”. A wasted day is simply unacceptable.

Schedule Breaks. Breaks are absolutely necessary, yes. However, I have the tendency to extend moments of laziness into periods of lethargy whilst rationalizing it to myself by calling them “breaks.” Breaks are only breaks when I schedule and control them. I’ll have a better idea of how long and how frequent my breaks will be as time progresses. For now, I will push through during study/work time and allow myself to decompress when it is time to decompress. Ultimately, focus is just a muscle and one that I intend to strengthen.

Complete Errands ASAP. These include emails, correspondence, returning phone calls, listening to voicemail, checking tracking numbers, mailing things, etc. These require absolutely no effort so just do them fast and get them over with. Don’t substantiate them by adding them to to-do lists. Take care of them as they come up and don’t look back.

Internalize Daily Activities. No need to plan out each day. All of my days are already planned in my head. They each follow a very basic script. I wake up and simply read the script. No room for indecision or improvisation. Wake. HIIT. Study MCAT. DNB. MM. NY’er. Fiction. Non-Fiction. Audio Lecture. Meditation (guided and non-guided). Date/socializing/sarging. I’ve determined years ago that these are my priorities, and nothing else matters.

Go to Bed Consistently and Get Enough Sleep. This past month I’ve finally been going to bed consistently. Not sure how it happened, but it just did. I’m very used to functioning while deprived of sleep, but I want to be functioning at a higher level and getting enough sleep allows me to do that for an extended period of time. I can function well for a day or two without sleep, but as I mentioned before, every day counts and I don’t have room for any slip ups. I am playing life on full tilt.

Executive Decisions at Night. From the moment I wake to the moment I finish my daily activities, I will be operating in a form of autopilot. This is sort of like intoxication, except it’s one where the senses are acutely aware and I am present to the moment. The idea is focus. I will not be making executive decisions like questioning the value of a certain task or overhauling my life plan. I am a pensive man by nature, and quite frankly I am sick of introspection. I live outside of my head now, and will only allow myself to ponder the finer parts of life when I am decompressing before bed. This is also when I do my writing.

Aim for Supersanity. I’m sick of drugs that blur the senses. I never liked alcohol. I never liked cigarettes. I like marijuana but can reserve it for decompression. Most of the other drugs I take are drugs of a different class. Facebook. Instagram. OkCupid. 4chan. Reddit. Texting. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. These are just ways to pass the time. But I don’t want to pass the time. My time is invaluable. I have too much to accomplish. Drugs are not helping me reach that goal. They are only distracting me. Fuck the blue pill. I am only focused on things that improve my focus and redouble my nascent efforts to improve myself.

“When you’re scrubbing up before a difficult operation, it’s true: a chill does go through the veins. The only way I can describe it is to compare it to intoxication. Only it’s an intoxication that sharpens, rather than dulls, the senses; an altered state of consciousness that feeds on precision and clarity, rather than fuzziness and incoherence… Perhaps, ‘supersane’ would be a better way of describing it.” – Anonymous Neurosurgeon

January 1, 2014

2014

Filed under: 2014 — by Invictus @ 03:20
Tags: ,

Happy New Year!

This post is dedicated to my brother in arms, Gabe. We’ve been on the self-dev grind since we had met each other 8 years ago. He’s going to be training on an island for the next couple of months, and I will be joining him – only on a colder, albeit cushier island. He will learn things that I won’t learn, and I will learn things that he won’t learn, and I look forward to seeing him again when he comes back for his vacations. We’ll be studying, lifting, and sarging solo because the training never ends. It is a cocoon mode, and one that is crucial for growth except I have divorced from it the social isolation. Social isolation is for losers.

I have many things planned for this year.

This is the year I take my MCAT. I will be taking it in ~3 weeks, and since I am not fully prepared I will be taking it again in March or in April. I want to cram and get it over with, but I want to comfortably and gradually learn the material and let it sink into my brain as the rest of my life is working at a high level. My body, mind, and spirit – if you will.

BODY

I will be running HIIT for 10-15-20m sessions 3-4x/wk, raising it to 5-6x/wk. for the upcoming two months. This also means quitting smoking, which is easy to do in the winter. Two months of strong cardiovascular training will let me return to lifting and a bulking cycle, which I will do for March onwards. My goal is to DL 5 plates.  I currently DL 345. It’s doable. Once my bulking cycle is over, I work on conditioning. Then I will join a serious martial arts. All in 2014.

I will be foam rolling and stretching several times a day to keep my body working at peak capacity.

My nutrition will be on-par. In 2013, the vast majority of my income went to seamless. This is no longer acceptable. I have a credit on one of my CC’s, which I don’t use so that will be my desperate seamless card. Aside from that, all food will be cooked. Simple meals, but I will be reading 4 hour chef.

My micros and macros will be on point. Nootropics as well.

Fuck, can’t wait till I get my insurance back. I’m going to have VO2 max checked out and everything. My PCP is a bro.

MIND

Eliminate shit-tier sources of dopamine. The internet is a dangerous place. I will be reading out of my ipad. I will be reading hardcopies of publications like the New Yorker. I will be doing research to work a research labs (there are a few I have my eyes on right now), and I will be sharpening the blade so I can be the best tutor/teacher/mentor ever. Did I mention I also want to kill this test?

SPIRIT

Meditate through it all. Unbreakable schedule: morning, day, night. Subway ride to campus. Subway ride to work. Guided meditation. Go all out. Once a week, do an hour long meditation. Go to Meditation meet-ups. Immerse yourself in meditation. Stress exists, and it’s fun, but meditation makes everything easy and it isn’t even a fucking drug.

 

I don’t have any new years resolutions but here are some things I don’t want to continue :

Fucking around on the computer.

Drinking.

Smoking (rarely).

Being a lazy slug.

 

December 20, 2013

000

Filed under: 2013 — by Invictus @ 05:05

I should have specified in my previous post that those were goals of where I want to be at when I get into the rhythm. As always, compliance is the only way to get this to work.

I know this from personal experience, considering I’ve been physically ill more times this Fall/Winter than ever before. It’s a combination of poor nutrition, poor sleep, poor everything.

In a hail mary pass to reset my sleep schedule, I’ve been up for quite a bit longer than 24 hours. It’s fine as long as you are caffeinated, but when you inevitably crash you experience lapses in short-term memory and an overall unpleasant, surreal affect that can make your irritable.

Luckily, I was brimming with motivation so I scheduled a date for after my activities.

At around 20:00, I hit a brick wall and could not go any farther. I wanted to go home and just pass out in my bed. But I knew that was out of the question. I was going on this date not to get it over with, but in fact, to do it under fatigue and resistance. I was going to do it to proactively build state.

I watched this:

She was at some job training thing until too long, and I was just sitting in my chair at the library with my eyes closed, trying to meditate but just falling asleep. I let myself take a few micronaps before I woke up gripping my backpack and phone to check if they were stolen and if this girl had texted me yet.

We agreed to meet at an okay bar, and it was a very mediocre date. She was coughing, so that rules out sex or at least making out. I’ve fucked girls who were sick and while sick before, but did I mention this shit was mediocre? I re-energized immediately into the date, and just kept building state. She said some stupid things that further rule her out in my book. Granted, we were both awake for >24 hrs. at the time of our date, so I should give her a little credit for being as crazy as I am when it comes to not flaking on dates. She mentioned being hungry but I cut it short because I wanted to go home and sleep. She said that we should hang out again soon. We will. She had a great ass and nice tits.

December 19, 2013

Conquering of the Mind

Filed under: 2013 — by Invictus @ 07:20
Tags: , , , , , , ,

alexander

“Do not throw away the hero in your soul, hold holy your highest hope.”

I will now be updating every week. My priority right now is to be a learning machine.

~Wake~

Hour one: eat cereal and meditate on subway ride to gym

Hour two: run HIIT for 10/15/20m (progressively loading), stretch, foamroll

Hour three: eat larger meal, drink tea, break (which means I fuck around and don’t do anything – essential cog in this master plan to work)

Hour four: drink caffeinated beverage. do warm-ups for the brain – do mental math, simple memorization games (state capitals, geography, etc), crossword puzzle, dual n-back tests, etc. These sound boring but are easy flow state activities that are productive

Hour five: read New Yorker – I have 6-mo. back issues because I’m a lazy fucker. meditate for 25m on concentration using this app called mindfulness on my phone.

Hour six to Hour nine: Drink perhaps second caffeinated beverage, or do a line in the bathroom. study. this means really study – get away from the computer, insert ear-plugs, turn OFF the phone, get in a cubicle and force yourself to study. If I am bored with the earplugs (not really a fan), I will listen to white noise or binaural beats (dat broscience tho). This has taken me fucking months to get myself to do. After searching endlessly for a quick and simple way to study, I find the only way to do it is the old school way of sitting down and fucking doing the work. If you were a studious child (read: immigrant) growing up, you can tap into that level of immersion. If you weren’t, read War of Art. This takes disciplineThere’s no way around this one. It’s the price you pay for greatness.

Hour ten: this is a tough hour. Right after you’re studying you’re jumping out of your seat to get as far away from that painful-as-fuck experience as possible. I will certainly be fucking around for this hour. However, I will attempt to hold it out for another 20m to do a relaxation meditation from the mindfulness app.

Hour eleven: Lift; not bulking right now, so will be doing high volume low weight to only build CNS control

Hour twelve: eat large meal, drink tea, break

Hour thirteen: read novel or non-fiction non-related to studying. This is my reading list. 

Hour fourteen: listen to TTC audio lectures – these are god-tier. This is my listening list.

Hour fifteen to Hour sixteen: go on date, socialize, win(e)d down and thoroughly enjoy life. Sometimes this involves getting high and listening to an album, or watching a film. I’m currently really into this: A Story of Film: An Odyssey

Hour seventeen:  drink valerian root tea, deep foam roll, stare hypnotically at inspiring artwork so it slowly enters my subconscious, bask underneat a red lamp, bodyscan meditation on mindfulness app which has the rare quality of putting me right to sleep

~Sleep~

In the upcoming months, more time will be devoted to my studies. My goal of transitioning from 3 hrs./day to 6 hrs./day to 9 hrs./day will be more seamless if I am replacing a similarly brain-engaging activity.

In order to be a learning machine, I have to keep my brain in tip-top shape. My diet and nutrition needs to be right. I need to be getting all of the micronutrients. I will be experimenting with nootropics like huperzine A, piracetam, oxiracetam, aniracetam, choline, and a lot of B vitamins.

I will also keep a running list of things that inspire me that I can go to to recharge. One of these things is walking into Barnes and Noble or the Met. I get a headrush.

December 10, 2013

OKC Primer

I’ve been busy the past few months with a lot of heavy shit, so I have a bit of a backlog,

backlog

but to paraphrase Philip Brooks:

 “O, do not pray for an easy life. Pray to be a stronger man!”

So, without further ado, here is the OKC Primer.

invictus okc primer

Step 1: Sign up for A-list.

A-list costs anywhere from $5-15/mo., depending on how many months you buy in advance. It may be costly depending on your budget, but it is a price I highly recommend you to pay for unbeatable results.

Why?

It lets you do various important things. You have a 5000 message inbox. While this may seem like a lot, this includes both messages you receive as well as send. Since volume is the most important part of online dating, all of the game you’ve learned up to this point is all for naught if you don’t actually get to meet the girl in real life. You may not fill your 5000 message inbox anytime soon, but you will definitely fill the 300 message inbox the free account allots you.

In addition to this, you also have more filters you can use to find matches. This is very important if you want quality matches. Particularly, the ability to filter results by their attractiveness rating and body-type. Here is an example:

criterion collection

Step 2: Answer Match Questions Honestly

You have to accept two things. One, you will inevitably meet girls. Don’t fear scarcity. You will meet girls – a lot of girls. But you aren’t going to have success if you aren’t compatible with them. I don’t mean all of that arbitrary idiosyncrasy shit that rom-com’s harp on when it comes to finding your “soul-mate”, which is a bullshit notion of which you should eradicate all traces of in your head. I mean you aren’t going to bring your A-game to a date with a girl who hates gay people or who is just an idiot.*

*But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go on dates with girls who may be incompatible with you. At the very least, you will gain reference experience and sharpen your saw. This got me through a date with a gross, landwhale who reeked of cigarettes and body odor when I naively, but “for science”, used the blind date feature for a date I set up at a venue I already was at for a different date.

How many questions should I answer?

You should answer enough to have a maximum of at least 95%. I think my maximum match% is 96% with someone, and I answered about 260 questions. They’re primarily questions about sex and dating, because the rest are arbitrary and useless (but occasionally fun). A lot of girls join specifically for the questions so you will see girls who are on their 3000th question. Don’t do this.

I sort my matches by match%. Once you’ve set your filters for what you’re looking for in terms of age, body type, rating, height, race, etc. You’ve pretty much gotten rid of any girl who you’d find physically unattractive. So the next filter is naturally her personality. I message every girl down the list until I get to 79-69%. It’s a pretty good indicator of first-date success, and girls really do pay attention to match%.

Step 3: Show Your Best Self

You can use the handy “my best face” feature to have a crowd-sourced straw-poll of which pictures of yours are the best. I don’t always agree with them, but I’ve used the same photos multiple times over a couple of months and their scores have been consistent so I think it’s a good objective indicator of which pictures to use.

But they aren’t that important.

Having exceptionally good pictures will get you a couple of things, like girls who initiate by either quickmatch, visiting you, or sending you a message.

But if you are reading this, you are the type of person who is proactive so you will be taking the initiative at all times anyway. So don’t worry too much about how pretty you look.

As for the content of your profile. Style over substance. You aren’t displaying your resume or bio-data. If you are a professional, don’t be afraid to mention it at risk of seeming too vanilla. But don’t rely on it. You are there to show them how amazing you are, not to tell them.

Don’t worry too much about the content of your profile either. Different things work for different people. I can’t write anyone else’s profile. I can critique them, however. Avoid being wordy, and avoid explaining yourself. Simply display yourself, unabashed. You will be tweaking your profile in bits and pieces over the course of however long you continue doing this. The best profile is developed in a piece-meal fashion. 

Just like your best self.

Step 4: Develop a Good Opener(s), and Send; repeat ad infinitum

Once you’ve done all of the previous steps, this is all you have to do.

The meat of online dating is simply volume. In fact, it can be argued that that’s the heart of the game – every game. Simply gain reference experience. It is crucial to ingrain in yourself an abundance mentality. What more simple way to do this than to have actual abundance.

Get to the matches page. Go down the list, hold control (or middle click), and click on every profile that comes up until you get to the lower matches. Like I said in step 2, they will all be pre-selected as attractive (if they aren’t, adjust your filters) so you don’ t even have to look at their thumbnails. You should have a bunch of windows with profiles opened, and from there just click “send message”, ctrl+v, hit “send”, ctrl+w, and repeat.

Don’t read their profile at this stage. Only read their profile once they have responded and you can get a better idea for who you are going to meet. But at this stage, most will not message you back so it is pointless to know everything about them if they aren’t going to message you.

Some people disagree with this method and prefer to read their profiles and generate a customized opener for them.

This simply does not work. It may work a few times and you may have had success with it, but these times are exceptions to the rule and cannot be sound advice to those who want results. You can only get better with women, you can’t get better with a woman.

You can find your perceived “soul-mate” and actually be truly compatible with her and generate the perfect opener hitting on all of the key elements of her profile to find out what moves her existentially

and she may just think you’re too ugly, or brown.*

*has happened to me many times. Nothing you can do, on to the next one.

The battle between generic opener and personalized opener has been fought, and generic won ever since the industrial revolution and the idea of interchangeable parts. Don’t be a fool, be a spambot. 

With that said, have a good fucking opener. Don’t say stupid shit like “hi i’m james” or “you’re pretty.” Luckily, online dating is the next stage of natural selection where intelligence, wit, and wordplay become the language of interaction. People always ask me for an example of an opener, and when I’ve divulged this information I’ve had people literally use my opener verbatim and it’s lead to repercussions I do not want to repeat.*

*My profile was banned because so many others started using the same opener and I was considered to be just another spambot. If you are the only one using the opener, you can spam as much as you want without getting banned. It’s pretty important not to be banned when you have paid for the account.

But here is an example of a now-retired opener I’ve had an immense amount of success with this past summer:

“i just stared at your profile for 30m trying to figure out how to get you to say “take me now, daddy” and this is the most i’ve had to work for a girl.”

It was very effective. It was also very polarizing. It doesn’t have to be polarizing. My opener now isn’t polarizing at all and works well. Your openers will also be piece-meal, so just let your creativity surge and try different things out. I think it’s good to have a couple that you use, I know Gab likes to use 2-3. I like to just use one as a diamond drill-bit and minimize time between sending messages.

Step 5: Meet her IRL ASAP

Some of these girls will respond to your opener. Congratulations, the hard part is over as your foot is in the door. You’ve piqued her curiosity and separated yourself from the vast chaff that her inbox is full of. She’s most likely viewed your profile, and has put together an idea of who you are and already knows more about you than if she responded to you at a bar because you can’t really ignore people in real life as easily as you can online.

She will respond with something, depending on the type of opener you sent. You can (but don’t have to) respond directly to her response, but don’t spend too much time on messages. Online dating is just a way to IRL date when you can’t IRL date (like as a study break, or night cap at the end of your day. You shouldn’t be spending all of your time on this). Go for logistics ASAP. For the second message (your response to her response to your opener, aka the second message you send the same girl) get logistics down. I ask her her name and where she lives. I ask this regardless of whether she mentioned her name in her profile, and regardless of the location that is visibly set on her profile. You want her to introduce herself and tell you herself. Plus, if she lives in Brooklyn for example, I ask where in Brooklyn. You want to meet girls close to you, and you should know what neighborhood they live in to make this as smooth as possible when you pick a place to get drinks with her.

I go for the IRL meet-up on my second or third message, and rarely send any more than that. You don’t want to meet girls who don’t intend to meet anyone, and if she hesitates at all then you should move on to the next one. There’s a match question that you should set mandatory, and it’s the one that asks “How willing are you to meet someone from OKC in real life?” and it should be “Very willing!” You joined to meet people, don’t waste any time with people who want to be pen-pals or some shit. Like I said, you have complete abundance so move on whenever you want. This should be smooth.

When I go for the IRL meetup, I pretty much say this.

“Let’s get drinks, I’m 555-555-5555. text me your name”

You will be good with any variation of this, but I like to use these specific words for a few reasons.

“Let’s get …” is better than “Do you want to get … ?” 

Tonality. You don’t want your tone to lilt upwards, which question marks do. You are not not seeking rapport.

“I’m 555-555-5555” is better than “what is your number?”

Tonality again, but also shows how comfortable you are with giving your number and moving directly to phone communication  (text game is also simply logistics – you go for the IRL meetup at all times).

“text me your name”* is god-tier. It is a compliance building step, which is crucial to game. You must have her invest in you. She has to take that extra step to meet you. You are a person with whom she will schedule a time to meet, and expend energy to look good for and mentally prepare to enjoy her time with. It’s emotional investment. It isn’t important if you just want a date, but it is important if you want a successful date – and later, a successful relationship if that is what you want.

*There is one side-effect of this. Once you start getting good at this, you will have a bunch of texts from girls who just tell you their name and you will have no idea which profile they are. There is a reason I call this a “side-effect” and not a “drawback”, because you have already filtered girls in such a way that all of them will be both physically attractive to you and compatible with you personality-wise. You also should not waste your time reading their profiles. This is something you absolutely can do. I just don’t want you to psyche yourself out by spending an excessive amount of time endlessly reading their profile. You should bring your A-game to every single one of these dates, so it shouldn’t matter. If you are worried about asking them things that they already mentioned on their profiles, don’t be. It’s fucking weird to show up to a date knowing everything about the person and citing specific details from their profile. Don’t suck the excitement out of meeting a pretty girl for a first date. Treat it as a new experience, and genuinely wonder what she’s like. First dates are one of my favorite things to do. Like opening, I like it better than sex.*

*I do love sex though.

Also, once you get to the point where pretty girls are texting you throughout the day you are as abundant as a pretty girl who is being texted by guys throughout the day. A pretty girl’s text inbox is like our email inboxes. It’s flooded with shit all the time. Think about what that does to your sense of self-worth and entitlement. You want that. It’s a trip. It’s abundance.

Once you meet her IRL, that’s where online dating game ends and real life game begins. 

I dedicate this primer to Nelson Mandela who recited William E. Henley’s poem Invictus to himself everyday during his 27 year imprisonment, as well as to other prisoners. Invictus is latin for “Unconquerable”, and Mr. Mandela was empowered by its message of self-mastery. Goodnight, sweet prince.

mandelaahnold

November 30, 2013

hero of your own story

My dad was picking me up for Thanksgiving. He is not a patient man, so I threw everything indiscriminately into my bag and left my apartment to get into his car. Only when I got to my parent’s house did I realize I forgot my laptop (but packed my laptop charger), my coat (but packed two different types of caps), my iPad with all my books in it (but my iPad charger), and most importantly my fucking keys.

I’ve locked myself out before. Rather, my neighbor locked herself out of her apartment one morning. It was right after I fucked Rapunzel this past summer, and I slyly slipped a credit card and metrocard in and unlocked the door for her. It took a minute, and she was dumbfounded by my Neal Caffrey-like Macguyverism.

Yet I spent a half hour trying to do the same for my own apartment, and for the love of GOD, I could not get in. I wasn’t being patient, I was actually frustrated and tired, and I used all of the cards in my wallet – many of which were lodged in, damaged, and rendered unswipeable.

It reminded me of synthesizing organic compounds in organic chemistry. Our professor would always tell us: “Don’t thrash!” He meant, while you must understand that time is running out, you will never find the correct synthesis by just mixing and matching reactions willy-nilly. You have to do it systematically. 

So I stopped. Breathed. I used a thin card to scan where the actual lock mechanism was, and then I pushed against it with my final card. My hands were chapped and cracking from the cold (26-33F + no jacket), but grit and adrenaline was forcing me to go for broke.

This word choice is ironically apropos, since the cards were now broken and lodged inside the door.  Yes, I failed. 

I had to make a trip to the office, lugging all of my stuff, without the jacket,and without a metrocard so I was on foot. My phone had 2% battery life left in it, so I had to do this without listening to Kanye. I eventually got a spare key, while being completely bewildered by all of the beautiful hasidic jewish women in the area. Wow. I opened one instantly on the elevator, and looking into her vibrant eyes rejuvenated me. Maybe this can be a new sarge spot?

Anyway, I finally got home. Warmth. Bathroom. Computer. My new headphones arrived, which I have to break in using brown noise.

So what’s the point of this post? The point of this post is that you aren’t a total fuck up. I have been fucking things up in due form my entire life and especially lately. It can be very discouraging. One day you pick a lock with supreme confidence and finesse, the next day you are blindly pushing credit cards into a crack and wish you had a welding torch because this door is being a fucker. 

Truth is, I have been under giga-tons of stress lately. This year has really tested me. I will elaborate in December, but these things that you think you have overcame or that didn’t bother you before, come back in full force in something as simple as being unable to pick a lock. Everything snowballs. I’m cold, I’m carrying heavy shit, my toenail just broke and I am bleeding through my socks, I’m sweating and it’s 5 degrees below freezing outside.

What can I do in the future? Prepare better, right? Of course, but that isn’t the point of this post. The point of this post is that you aren’t a complete fuck up. The point of this post is that you fuck things up, but that is just life, you fail and fail and then you succeed. You learn. In order to learn, you have to get rid of the ego. You have to “suck today’s dick.”  Sure there are people who are awesome at everything, most of these people are my heroes, and most of these people are also fictional.

Joe Rogan says it best in this short video. You can’t devalue yourself from your fuckups. That isn’t you. You can be the hero. You can be that person today. You can be the hero of your own story.

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