November 30, 2013

hero of your own story

My dad was picking me up for Thanksgiving. He is not a patient man, so I threw everything indiscriminately into my bag and left my apartment to get into his car. Only when I got to my parent’s house did I realize I forgot my laptop (but packed my laptop charger), my coat (but packed two different types of caps), my iPad with all my books in it (but my iPad charger), and most importantly my fucking keys.

I’ve locked myself out before. Rather, my neighbor locked herself out of her apartment one morning. It was right after I fucked Rapunzel this past summer, and I slyly slipped a credit card and metrocard in and unlocked the door for her. It took a minute, and she was dumbfounded by my Neal Caffrey-like Macguyverism.

Yet I spent a half hour trying to do the same for my own apartment, and for the love of GOD, I could not get in. I wasn’t being patient, I was actually frustrated and tired, and I used all of the cards in my wallet – many of which were lodged in, damaged, and rendered unswipeable.

It reminded me of synthesizing organic compounds in organic chemistry. Our professor would always tell us: “Don’t thrash!” He meant, while you must understand that time is running out, you will never find the correct synthesis by just mixing and matching reactions willy-nilly. You have to do it systematically. 

So I stopped. Breathed. I used a thin card to scan where the actual lock mechanism was, and then I pushed against it with my final card. My hands were chapped and cracking from the cold (26-33F + no jacket), but grit and adrenaline was forcing me to go for broke.

This word choice is ironically apropos, since the cards were now broken and lodged inside the door.  Yes, I failed. 

I had to make a trip to the office, lugging all of my stuff, without the jacket,and without a metrocard so I was on foot. My phone had 2% battery life left in it, so I had to do this without listening to Kanye. I eventually got a spare key, while being completely bewildered by all of the beautiful hasidic jewish women in the area. Wow. I opened one instantly on the elevator, and looking into her vibrant eyes rejuvenated me. Maybe this can be a new sarge spot?

Anyway, I finally got home. Warmth. Bathroom. Computer. My new headphones arrived, which I have to break in using brown noise.

So what’s the point of this post? The point of this post is that you aren’t a total fuck up. I have been fucking things up in due form my entire life and especially lately. It can be very discouraging. One day you pick a lock with supreme confidence and finesse, the next day you are blindly pushing credit cards into a crack and wish you had a welding torch because this door is being a fucker. 

Truth is, I have been under giga-tons of stress lately. This year has really tested me. I will elaborate in December, but these things that you think you have overcame or that didn’t bother you before, come back in full force in something as simple as being unable to pick a lock. Everything snowballs. I’m cold, I’m carrying heavy shit, my toenail just broke and I am bleeding through my socks, I’m sweating and it’s 5 degrees below freezing outside.

What can I do in the future? Prepare better, right? Of course, but that isn’t the point of this post. The point of this post is that you aren’t a complete fuck up. The point of this post is that you fuck things up, but that is just life, you fail and fail and then you succeed. You learn. In order to learn, you have to get rid of the ego. You have to “suck today’s dick.”  Sure there are people who are awesome at everything, most of these people are my heroes, and most of these people are also fictional.

Joe Rogan says it best in this short video. You can’t devalue yourself from your fuckups. That isn’t you. You can be the hero. You can be that person today. You can be the hero of your own story.



  1. epic post man!

    Comment by sean — December 2, 2013 @ 23:09 |Reply

  2. Great stuff man. Love it as always.

    hate to be such a beggar, but, dyyyyyyyyyying for that okcupid primer. my results on okc are fair but i feel like having you layout your knowledge will really take me to the next level.

    Comment by ayay — December 10, 2013 @ 03:12 |Reply

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