October 17, 2013

Don’t sweat it. Breathe.

Filed under: 2013 — by Invictus @ 01:04
Tags: , , , , ,

Gab and I have been coaching a good friend of ours named Paul Giamatti.

This is a great kid. He has his life together. He has a work ethic that has put him through law school, while working full-time to support himself financially. He will always help you when you’re in a legal bind, even if you barely know him (he helped my roommate without asking for anything in return; granted, it was pro-bono work but still.)

Except he has a lot of limiting and self-defeating beliefs.

It doesn’t help that the friend circle he grew up with was a fusion reaction of pure negativity that chopped down every sprouting root of positivity he had. But he was strong…

He was strong enough to come to me about a year ago, and tell me that he was fed up and willing to learn about game.

This was a tremendous step.

Keep in mind, that if you are reading this blog, you probably feel as natural about game as others do in this community. So you may not appreciate the gravity of this.

In truth, “game” is very alienating to people. Most people will just refuse to talk about it. They will either say that they don’t need it, or naively criticize it.

It takes a lot for someone to admit that they are not satisfied with this area of their lives, that being women, and to embark on the tough journey that is improving this area of their lives.

But if they choose to embark on this journey, they are already leagues ahead of everyone else around them. This is because they understand that success with women, and success in general, is a skill-set that you can hone. It is something that you exercise and get better at. It works for everybody at different paces, but it works.

Paul Giamatti’s journey so far has been tough, but he has shown even tougher resolve. He doesn’t give himself enough credit because he is comparing himself to Gab and I, but he is becoming more comfortable using his own judgment as of late and has come so fucking far.

He was a hardcase newbie. No dates. No kiss. No girlfriends. But in one year he managed to consistently come out and sarge with us. He managed to secure roughly 40 dates since he’s started online dating. He’s had a good number of make-outs, and just had his first lay.

All I can say is that he has accelerated at a rate much more than either Gab or I. I’m very proud of him, and see nothing but greater improvement for him in the future.

We were talking about the importance of the first date kiss, and other reductionist moments of a date. Which newbies often focus on. Things like quantifying the number of IOI’s, the kiss, the physicality, etc. But as you keep doing this, as PG did consistently (did I mention he had a good work ethic?), you will be able to automate a lot of the things you used to sweat. As Tyler says, “your sticking points auto-correct.” As you improve in this, like you would in any skill-set, you begin to have a wider perspective on the interaction. As little things become automatized, the “rules” become less stringent and you are free to use your judgment to experiment and discover new ways to make it an enjoyable experience for the both of you.

That’s important. Game is about making it an enjoyable experience for the both of you.

So after you do this for a bit, you are free to use your own judgment. You learn to not sweat it, be present, and to just breathe.


Create a free website or blog at